im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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