My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
