I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
