i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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