yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
