im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
