I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
