is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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