Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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