i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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