i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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