Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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