I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize