Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
