Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
