I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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