Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
