I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
