So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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