Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
