If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
