Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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