About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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