Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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