No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
