Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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