Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
