If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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