That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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