My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
