Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
