I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize