can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
