Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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