He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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