Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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