Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
