Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
