so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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