What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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