I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
