hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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