it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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