the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
