Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
