Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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