so let's talk penis.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
