just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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