dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
