My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
