She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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