Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
