Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
