just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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