OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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