Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
