You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
