The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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